Friday, August 7, 2009

Parody scenario to flex my creative writing mind (an anti-fanfic, shall we say?)

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(Thanks to E.D. for the inspiration, and that masterpiece of a sketch... quite the likeness I might add =P)

Just as she was unplugging her laptop and in the process of getting up from her swivel chair, a few curt knocks interrupted her thoughts. "Ugh, I'm already late to my next meeting!" she mentally grumbled.

A stumpy and hairy UPS deliveryman peeked in. "Excuse me, I have a package for [insert name]?"

"Okay I'll take that," she declared, although she wondered, "I wasn't expecting any package... and who would send me a box this big?" After verifying that it was indeed addressed to her, she signed the electronic pad in lightning speed, thanked and dismissed the UPS guy while zooming out the door with her laptop.

Thirty minutes into the meeting, she was already distracted. "What COULD BE in that box?" she ruminated. The buzz of the overhead projector and the flickering of the screen synchronized with the droning voice of the presenter in the ultimate ensemble of soporific. The singular thought that sustained her amidst the desert of Excel tables and graphs was about - that box.

"Can you label your columns? Otherwise we don't know what the numbers mean." She snapped. "Okay," the presenter obliged. "Jeez, I just got these numbers ten minutes ago! If only I were better at English..." he seethed inwardly, though he showed no change in expression except for a minute frown.

About one hour later, she rushed back into her office. "Rarrgh these meetings! Always run freaking overtime." she stewed as she replugged her laptop. "Now. What's in the box?"

She found herself taken by a bizarre sense of anticipation. She grabbed her keys and proceeded to slice open the mystery box, possessed by a sudden hunger of unknown origin.

Inside was something dark, velvety, and shrink-wrapped. "OMFG whyyyyy must there be shrink-wrap everywhere?!!??!!?! The inventor of shrink-wrap should suffer in hell and open these darned shrink wraps for eternity!!!!!"

She stabbed a hole in the plastic wrap and ripped it open with the sadistic ferocity of a dominatrix.

The shimmering black velvet river awakened upon thawing out of its shrink-wrapped frozen state with a flourish of golden sparks.

She touched the fabric and was surprised at its softness. Gingerly, she unfolded the cloth to reveal a cape in full splendor.

"Oooooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!! I have wanted this for a long time, a verrrry long time.........."

She started giggling. It started out as a whisper, but she closed the door and her laughter slowly developed into a deep cackle as she opened her secret closet. Inside, an ancient broom rested...

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